Meg Speak

     I’ve been spending the past few weeks feeling severely disappointed not just in myself, but in those around me. Matt has yet to find a job (or even look) even though he graduates in a month. That’s a little unsettling to me. Does his future mean so little to him that he won’t even look for a job? We had the ‘marriage talk’ the other night and I told him that though I would like to marry him, he has yet to show me anything resembling someone who is husband material. He has no desire to care for anyone but himself and his WOW characters, so why would I invest the rest of my life into someone who isn’t invested in himself? If he finds a job then that’s awesome, but I’m not going to let his decisions (or lack there of) determine where I go for school. I have my plan and no one will deter me.
     I’m pretty disappointed in myself. Yes, I took a ridiculously hard class schedule, but I know I could have done better than I did. I should have worked much harder and studied more often. I have a month until finals, so hopefully I prove to myself that I can work my ass off.
     You know who is currently really pissing me off? My dad. The dick lives in Oregon and went down to Disney Land . He decided NOT to see me, even though he drove by twice (once heading down, once heading up) and stayed in a hotel in Valencia , which is only an hour and a half from me. Yes, he is traveling down the 5 freeway, but hell, he’s already driven 11 hours, so why not cut across to the 101 and see his kid. After all, it’s been 2 years since I last saw him. Hell, I would have commuted if I had known he would be in California . He didn’t even tell me. What a dick. He is the most self absorbed person I’ve ever met. How could you be within 2 hours from your only child and not care enough to see her? Oh, right, the same way he will go months without calling me, and when he does call, it’s only to talk about him. The asshat has decided that he needs to live in Hawaii now because he and his wife aren’t nearly self indulgent enough. Oh well, thank god he’ll be away from my brother’s kids. Dad’s wife’s ex husband is a registered sex offender, so anytime he’s there my sister in law stays home with the kids. Dad likes to invite my brother and his family over, and then invite the sex offender so that my brother’s wife has to leave. Classy, right? Brother doesn’t seem to think anything is wrong with this as he is blinded by the fact that Dave wants to see him. In case you don’t know, Dave is a manipulative asshole who tries to brainwash people into doing everything he wants. No joke. Reason # 8545156 that I hate my father.
     You know what else really bothers me? Some of the problems I had last year are back, so I have to go back to the GI doc and spend another $300 I don’t have just for him to tell me nothing is wrong. I left him a message telling him that my symptoms are back and far more severe than before, so I want to see him ASAP before the symptoms subside. He told me he’ll maybe see me in a week. My symptoms are frightening ones, so a week is a long time to go without answers. How severe? My mom said I should go to the ER, but changed her mind when she realized I would be waiting there for several hours and needed my sleep. Mom never takes you to the ER. This was exactly what she said when I had heatstroke. ‘You can either go to the ER and puke in the waiting room, or stay home and puke privately.’ I chose to stay home, but apparently my current symptoms are par to heatstroke, so there-ya-go. Why won’t I just tell you what’s going on? Well, it’s embarrassing and gross and I know some of you people who read, so I’ll save us the trouble of being uncomfortable around each other. Fine, want a hint? This was my mom’s email when I told her I could not get in until May 6^th: “Tell them that it is not acceptable unless they think bleeding out your bung hole is normal!” Bwahahaha… I love that woman. But yes, I’m bleeding out my ‘bung hole’. No one seems to believe the amount the I am bleeding so I made matt look. Poor guy. Anyway, if you want to see for yourself, pour a glass of red coolaide into your toilet until you can barely make out the bottom of the bowl. That my friend is the current horror that is my ass. Anyway, TMI, I know, but by the time I see him it could have stopped and he’ll think I made it up, AGAIN. I should have taken a picture! Note to self: put a camera in the crapper. Anyway, at least Matt saw it and can vouch for me. Again, poor guy. I doubt he really wanted to hear “Matt, come see something scary!” from his GF in the bathroom. Really, he is a good guy.
     Ok, so I’m starving. I’ve had a L of water and 5 almonds thus far today, so I’m becoming a little rabid and mean. Thanks for tuning in and for forgiving my long absence, which of course you will because I’m bleeding out my ass, so I’m entitled a little vacation. Bwahahahaha

Dear World of Warcraft,

I live with my boyfriend who once used to be a smart, funny and sweet man, but he is now a former shell of himself. He rediscovered Warcraft, which was an obsession of his that came and went before my time: it has again returned. I've tried to be a trooper and play along with him; we both created new characters together (horde - I wanted to be naughty) and played together for a few months, but then he decided he wanted to go back to his lvl 60 alliance once he bought Burning Crusades. That was the last I saw of him. I've tried to continue playing, but I find it boring after level 20 when you have to play alone. Now my poor lvl 56 mage sits there, knowing she will never reach 70. We have both been wronged. Boyfriend now has a 70 Human Pally and has decided that if I want to spend time with him, then I need to create a new character, this time alliance, that he can play with his guild buddies whenever he feels. I want my former boyfriend back. I'm a cute girl, but I'm beginning to feel bad about myself when my boyfriend would rather run Kara than get naked. What has happened? You know he's played for 13 hours straight on numerous occasions, right? I might as well live alone.

Is there a 12 step program? A patch? Is there a place where widowed women go to lament over the loss of their loved ones? I really only require minimal attention, honestly. This morning he went straight from bed to his computer, and then back to bed. I caved and brought him a sandwich when I feared he was getting malnourished. Please help... nothing works. He hardly notices my gratuitous nudity anymore. My entire interaction with him today was when he exclaimed "boobies!" before he quickly squeezed my left breast. His vocabulary is limited to WoW speak and the ramblings of a two-year-old. I've resorted to running in the middle of Orgrimmar and seeing how many characters I can get to strip down and dance with me in order to have fun. What have I become?

I want my sexy man-beast back!
- WoW Widow

I am so bloody excited right now. I am wearing sunglasses. SUNGLASSES! I’m sure you’re like “awesome Meg, but everyone wears sunglasses…loser.” Well you know what? Stop being so damn judgmental. Anyway, I am wearing sunglasses for the first time in a long time because I wear glasses. Today I got contacts. Who is excited? I am, especially as I am now wearing sunglasses and can actually see. Yes my friends, I am the lamest 22 year old ever. Anyway, it is said that boys don’t make passes at girls with glasses, which is the biggest lie ever, but anyway I am glasses-less so I suppose I will no longer have to worry about my passability.  They feel kind of weird… I hope this goes away.

Anyway, moving on! Matthew is trying to kill me with food. I’m not sure what is with this boy lately, but every few minutes or so he asks me if I want random food items. “Megan, do you want some cake?” “No thanks babe.” “Do you want some candy? How about some chips?” “Matt, stop trying to feed me. Bloody hell.” Love him to death, but goodness gracious. From there it continues on and he begins telling me what I need to eat for various meals. “Megan, you need to have hotdogs for lunch… you need to have steak for dinner and then the leftovers for lunch tomorrow.” What the heck is that about? He doesn’t care if I don’t actually eat what he tells me to, so I’m unsure why he even says anything. Oh well, it’s cute that he’s not telling me to eat a salad. Cute boy.

Sorry I’ve been absent. I’ve been in San Jose where I attended the best hockey game ever. I love the San Jose sharks and it was an intense game that we won in overtime. Go Sharks! Anyway, I’m back home and wasting time on spring break. Honestly, I’ve spent the past few days eating crackers in my pajamas while catching up on trashy television, so I’ve had nothing new to report. I thought I would include one of my typical conversations in, just so you understand how random and weird I am in general.

            So, Matt decided to log into WoW to see if his guild is going to run Kara, which is a big deal or something. Apparently it takes 10 guys 2 days to ‘run’ as there are so many bosses to kill. I don’t mind him running Kara as they have one boss who is ‘themed’, so either they have to kill Romeo and Juliet (within 10 seconds of each other), The Wizard of Oz or Little Red Riding Hood’s Big Bad Wolf. I think the wolf turns you into little red riding hood, but I haven’t seen it, so I have no clue. Anyway, Matt hopped on to see what the guild was planning on doing and started chatting with his cousin, Greg, who also plays. This is where the story begins:

I propped up on my elbows while looking at Matt’s computer screen from the bed. “Dude, Matt, you should send Greg an ‘asl’”. He looked at me and smirked, “I doubt he would even know what that means.”

I plopped back down on my stomach and rested my head on my hands. “Ya, you’re right,” I said, “he would probably have no clue what that is. Wait…Have you ever sent anyone an ‘asl’?”

“I dunno,” Matt replied while turning back to his game. “Maybe back when aol was new I would chat a lot, so maybe.”

I popped up on my knees excited that perhaps my boyfriend did what normal people do. “Wait, like in a real chat room? Did you ever cyber?”

“Ya, in a chat room”.

“I used to chat in chat rooms all the time to. Did you ever cyber?”

Silence

“Matt, have you ever had cyber sex?” I asked impatiently.

“No,” he replied slightly annoyed that I was still talking and that his WoW repair bill would be so expensive.

“Hmmm,” I replied, clearly perplexed. “Then what did you talk about?” Matt turned to look at me with a big smirk on his face.

“I just revealed too much about myself, didn’t I?” I buried my face into my blankets as I realized that chat rooms were used for more than just cyber sex, which is something I had never considered.

 

Anyway, two things to know about me. I’m kind of a dumb blond who dyes her hair brown, and I’ve been told that I act like “a horny 2 year old”, so there ya go. At least this was better than the time Matt and I drove be the French Hospital and I asked aloud if you had to speak French to go there. I realized what I said as it escaped my lips, but by then it was too late. I am an idiot.